SE's best and worst of the night

My best dressed woman? Susan Sarandon. I love the idea of woman's tuxedo, but rarely does anyone manage to pull it off. Susan does. The velvet jacket, the skinny pants, the bustier top, the long strands of beads, put it all together and you have one divine-looking woman. Plus, it's neither dowdy, garish nor too young for her, problems many women of her age face.



Worst dressed woman? Drew Barrymore. It wasn't a train wreck. Oh no, it was even worse. It was the dreaded near miss. Her outfit was perfect, down to the deep red clutch, but her hair, oh my lord, her hair. It looked like my cat styled it! It was a gigantic bleached, teased rat's nest on top of her head. It was worse than Jeff Gordon's 2007 dead raccoon mullet. She loses (wins?) simply because she was so close to being best dressed.



Best dressed man? Well, SG has already claimed Seth Rogen, so I went with my second best instead -- The Tudors' Jonathan Rhys Meyers. The vest is what does it for me. Most men wear a two-piece suit or at least don't show off their vests. I love different, and since almost every man there went with boring black (other than Laurence Fishburne), Rhys Meyers' willingness to do something different rockets him to the top of my list.



Worst dressed man? David Duchovny. He's rumpled. He's wearing shoes with laces (a no-no a formal event). The only positive? At least they're flat front trousers and not pleated.



The best couple of the night? Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon. While his hair is, well, in need of something, I blame Bernie Madoff, Kyra's deep scarlet dress and his classic tux more than made up for the hair issue. Kyra, in accordance with the Globe's more laidback attitude, didn't have a complicated updo, but simply pulled it back away from face, showing off her minimalist makeup.



The worst couple of the night, as much as it pains me to say it, was my beloved Angelina Jolie and her (deleted) significant other Brad Pitt in Versace. Where to start, where to start. . .

Well, Angie's dress is a hot mess, as one of favorite Project Runway contestants would say. The top is hideous, unflattering and makes her look like she's trying to hide yet another pregnancy. The skirt looks like something a Vegas show girl would be rocking. Her hair is, well, blah. As stunning as she is, having half her face covered by her hair makes no sense. This look is made even more wrong by the fact that she looked stunning at the People's Choice Awards earlier in the week.

As for Brad, his tie is crooked and his facial hair looks like that of a 15-year-old boy (and whoever decided to bring back the 'stache. . . a pox on your house!). Brad also fell victim to the unfortunate trend of men wearing sunglasses on the red carpet. Simply gross.

My winners (and loser)

First, my loser of the night (well, along with Olivia Wilde, but I just couldn't bear to look at that dress again to post it). Heidi Klum.



Between the spleen that has apparently burst out of her side and through her dress and the Hefty-bag shine of that dress, she had no hope. Heidi's very hit or miss, and here she needs to be hit. Besides, her toes hang off the front of those shoes by about an inch. Yikes!

Best woman? Kate.


There's really nothing I can say here that hasn't already been said.

Best man: Seth Rogen.


Yep. That's the fat, Jewfroed guy from Knocked Up and Pineapple Express. Rocking a slimmed-down frame, a light tie, a well-tailored look and some freshly-shorn hair. I think I may be in love a little bit.

The men!

It's stunningly easy to screw up a night out at an awards show. We see men do it every year. So imagine my surprise to see so many men get it right at the Golden Globes.

And they even come in children's sizes!


I kid, I kid. Kind of. But Kevin Connolly IS tiny.

Anyway, I'm all for taking a risk, and going out of the ordinary. Shoot me, but I like the Jonas Brothers' look here. Clarification: I do NOT like the Jonas Brothers. Not sure I could name a song. But thanks to my obsession with celebrity, I do know what they look like...and I like this mismatched-but-still-unmistakably-together look.


Kiefer Sutherland needs to lose the sunglasses, but I like the light tie here. I'm still efforting (ha!) a photo of Seth Rogen, who looked amazing, but this will do.


And finally, just for eye candy:

Thumbs down

For my darling SE, here is her darling Angie, who looks like a darling homeless person playing dress-up.



"Oh, Brad, darling, I know I've done better recently in these award show getups. But I just don't have the strength in my frighteningly bony arms and hands to pick up a dress with any structure. I will, instead, go with this horrid thing that looks like a bad 70s dress on the top and a horrible mistake on the bottom. And I'm not going to wash OR brush my hair."

Egads.

But my personal worst: Olivia Wilde.



SOMEONE is reliving their 1970s prom memories. And not in a good way, like by going and making out with the quarterback in the back of his El Camino.

Amy Adams:



In general, I adore her. But I fear she smuggled Kevin Connolly in under that skirt. Lordy. Look at the imaginary hips on her now!

Christina Applegate:



She's had a really bad year, so the karma gods won't like this, but the drop waist on that dress was a really bad idea. I like the dress otherwise. But take that waist up about six inches.

The Cyruses:



Miley FINALLY looks like an actual teenager...and her mom looks like a groupie. And, for the record, I'm sending Billy Ray a Supercuts gift card tomorrow. Dude, you're like 45 years old. Cut the damn hair.

Elizabeth Banks:



Smoking hot woman, funny as hell, the kind of girl I'd love to sit around and be snarky with. But right here, right now? She looks like Miss Chattaleeocha County, 1982.

Glenn Close became Austin Powers ... when?


I love Jenna Fischer too, but she's wearing my grandmother's chair cover.

What the heck were they thinking?

Bear with me. I can't right click, so there aren't pictures. . . yet.

1) My darling Angelina what are you wearing? It's so wrong. The cut of the top is unflattering. You need a necklace with that neckline and your hair is covering your face. Oh, and the slit? When did you start pole dancing?

Even your best accessory, Brad, isn't with that atrocious '70s John Holmesesque 'stache.

2)Drew Barrymore. . . You are NOT a TV anchorwoman from the 1980s. Lose the hair.

3)Dear Vanessa Hudgens,

It's not that your dress was horrendous (although wearing a dress the same color as your skin isn't the best idea) or even age inappropriate. It's that you need to gain 10 pounds, stat. Being able to see your bones through your skin because of a lack of meat on your bones is a bad thing.

Also, stand up staight. You're not an Olsen twin, and it's really not cute when they do it either!

Red Carpet's done...

And since I have only online galleries to go by at this point, I'll say there were not nearly as many horrible "oh my god, hide the children, that dress could bring about the apocalypse at any point" moments as I had hoped.

Quick highlights:

1. Eva Longoria.



OK, I know it's really easy to love her on red carpets. I mean, she's tiny, perfect and so very very gorgeous. But just NOT screwing that up should earn her some points. And the cleavage? Hello! I'm assuming, however, she's standing in the back of the room with an IV since there's no way she's sitting down in that.

2. Jennifer Lopez.



I chose the pic without her scary husband, and to be honest, this had to grow on me. I was thinking the gold tinfoil look was not a good one. But sweet lord in heaven, I would murder to have that body right now, let alone after two children. And if you've got it, and feel the need to somewhat harken back to your famous belly-baring dress then hell, go for it.

3. Rumer Willis


Yeah, I said it. What? She looks a.) human and b.) like a female. I like the red hair on her, I love the color of the gown with the hair, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE the details on the front. Congratulations, Rumer, for once you do not make me wonder why you haven't been shipped off to some foreign country for our own good.

Perfect timing!

SE and I are kicking off this blog just in time for all the questionable choices certain to be showcased at the Golden Globes. We won't be live blogging it (stupid careers) but we'll weigh in when we can (dinner breaks and the such) and then come back in later tonight with our best and worst of the night (and hopefully not nearly as many parentheticals). Love to see what you think too...

Let's hope Courtney Love doesn't show up.






Welcome, make yourself at home, please don't scuff up the floor, and watch out for all the cat hair. Sorry in advance.